DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 80s, married for 61 years. We are financially wealthy and have few medical problems. As we approach our departure from this Earth, we have created the necessary legal documents to distribute our assets. So what’s the problem? My husband is a “collector”. We have some wonderful china settings, sterling silver and beautiful linens. We once set a beautiful table.
Today old age has caught up with us. Most of those guests are gone. But my wife and I are living like we did 50 years ago and it’s getting on my nerves. Nobody wants our stuff! It’s time to let go of assets that someone else might have an interest in and take them off our hands. My husband refuses to separate everything. There’s always an excuse to keep clutter.
I saw this in my parents decades ago. If he went in the front door, he never came out. Why are people so addicted to things and what can be done to ease my anxiety? — READY TO BE LEFT TO GO TO SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR GATI: Consider this: every piece of china and crystal, every piece of silverware, and all the accessories people thought were necessary to create a beautiful home (and life) hold precious memories. Where you see clutter, your wife sees past happy years to absorb and entertain.
Because these items are no longer being used, they can be put in the box “just in case” they are needed again. Take pictures of them so you have a record of what they are and talk to your wife about donating them to a charity shop. While you’re right that young people today aren’t as keen on formal entertainment as members of your generation were, there are still people around who recognize quality and value who might be interested in having a piece of it.
As for your anxiety, discuss this with your doctor and, if necessary, ask for a referral to a therapist for some advice.
DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful, intelligent 19-year-old daughter. She is a new college student in another city. She has always been extremely thin. We have taken him to the doctors to treat this. They discovered a vitamin deficiency and suggested she eat more nutritious foods with prescribed vitamins.
My question is, is it okay to push her foods since she has barely eaten meals? She gets full right away and doesn’t always get her vitamins. I don’t want her to distance herself from me by insisting that she eat more. — MOTHER IN TEXAS
DEAR MOTHER: I do not recommend that you “push” foods to your daughter. If you do, it may cause her to rebel. However, I think it might be a good idea for you to do some research on eating disorders because your daughter may have one.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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